Me: It's all falling apart.
Coworker: What is?
Me: This whole situation. The angry customers. It's all going to pot.
Coworker: What do we do?
Me: I have a plan; divide and conquer. We'll divy up the work. You do your thing and I'll do mine. We'll meet each other on the other side.
Me: You take Customer A. They have 140 dispensers. I need you to fix them. All of them. You have until Friday.
Coworker: [laughing nervously] Uh...are you serious?
Me: [ignoring the question] I will take Customers B and C. They have 10,000 dispensers. I have to have an answer for them by tomorrow. So that's it. That's the plan. Let's do it. I'll see you on Friday.
Coworker: Wait. I have a question.
Coworker: Are we allowed to help each other?
Me: [Stares blankly]
Coworker: In other words, can you help me out with this?
Me: What do you think?
Coworker: You have no choice.
Me: [exhales deeply] This must be my penance.